"Because sometimes I am dripping in the strange design...swimming in this real thing I call life." -Phish
So I told a mom friend this is my first time asking this and this is all new. And to bear with me if I don't get it right. She was so curious what could I be wondering.
And it all went so very badly. The conversation followed the lines going south.
I didn't take to heart what the recommendation is to ask this question.
Hey, I guess it's good to start off by totally messing up because it will only get better from there, right?
Here's what the Brady website states.
Did I ask the question below exactly as they say to?
Nope. You know how first times can be. You get nervous. You freeze. You mess up. I did all of the above.
Above is the very simple question to ask. And clearly it is worded the right way.
And I didn't ask that way.
And then it went way downhill way fast and I felt terrible and she said her feelings weren't hurt meanwhile I apologized profusely and said I should have asked the way it is recommend and she said something disparaging about following data and website recommendations and I really don't want to remember too many details because it all could have been avoided if I just asked the way the gun experts recommend.
And let's just say she was extremely angry with me. She said her blood was boiling. That I was bs-ing her and wanted to pry. And when I said it is a tough topic she said it's not a tough topic it's an invasion of her privacy the way I asked.
Because if I asked that way she could have answered no and then she wouldn't have revealed if she owns guns or not.
And her children don't know they have them. And they are always in locked position and in a safe locked box. And now that I know her family has them, this has compromised the safety of her family because they don't talk about it as its an adult topic and now Kevin will tell Jimmy who will mention it to Alex. And then it won't be safe for their family. That I have opened up a whole can of worms.
If only I asked the way the experts suggest you ask. I wouldn't have pissed off this mom. I had to reassure her I wouldn't let my husband know this information. All people need to know is "do you have an unlocked gun in the house." This mom suggested adding on unsecured.
The people who are in our community and own them, according to this mom to whom I numerous times apologized for not asking the way I should have, she things at least store them safely away from children.
This might sound provocative but...After a little thought I realized maybe it's that among my demographic - college educated, professional, White collar - you have people who act responsibly with their firearms. And that many of these stats are based on greater America. Life in more rural or less educated places. Pennsyltucky. Places where kids ride ATVs. Families who sling around their guns. Have guns hanging as decorations.
There's a reason I am not the leader of any boards or corporations. Because the mom was right. I could have asked in a much nicer way. Been less harsh. I could have and should have said "I don't know if you own a gun or not and you don't have to tell me" (she felt I wanted to know if there is one) "but are there any unlocked and unsecured guns in your house when my child comes to play?"
For now I will take this mom's word for it that in our community people don't talk about it with their children. I imagine they put it on par with having sex toys in the house. Good for the family, kids can't know about the dildos.
Then again it's not so handy when the spiked 9 inch penis surrounded by black leather is under lock and key.
"Just relax you're doing fine."
I listened to Strange Design after this unfortunate convo and it was cathartic. The mom later apologized to me and said she felt bad.
It's best to follow directions and read the signs.
Should I eved broach this topic again with another family it will be word for word what the ASK campaign says.
Deep breaths. In the past. Learn from mistakes. Do better and listen to the experts.
