Just Relax, You're Doing Fine

Had an unfortunate interpersonal fail today which ended up working out.   But it took a while.  It was energy-draining.  Also I am sleep-deprived.  And very busy with many things to do in life.  Grateful for my health, home and family above all.

Still, I found great solace in Strange Design.  As is often the case with so many Phish songs, I find tremendous goodness in their lyrics and music.   This time was no different.

Here's a beautiful rendition.  I was there at my first New Year's Eve shows in 1995.




Strange Design

I'm needing less restraint before
I'm needing to hit the lights and close the door
I'm fine, I'm fine
Cause I'm...

(chorus)

Dripping in this strange design
None is yours and far less mine
Hold the wheel, read the sign
Keep the tires off the line
Just relax, you're doing fine
Swimming in this real thing I call life

Can I bring a few companions on this ride?

I'm feeling, my heart's not beating anymore
I'm feeling.  It's alright, this happened once before
I'm fine, I'm fine.
Cause I'm...

When you mess up, apologize and be honest

"Because sometimes I am dripping in the strange design...swimming in this real thing I call life." -Phish

So I told a mom friend this is my first time asking this and this is all new.  And to bear with me if I don't get it right. She was so curious what could I be wondering. 

And it all went so very badly. The conversation followed the lines going south. 

I didn't take to heart what the recommendation is to ask this question.

Hey, I guess it's good to start off by totally messing up because it will only get better from there, right?

Here's what the Brady website states.  

Did I ask the question below exactly as they say to?

Nope. You know how first times can be. You get nervous. You freeze.  You mess up. I did all of the above. 

Above is the very simple question to ask. And clearly it is worded the right way.  

And I didn't ask that way. 

And then it went way downhill way fast and I felt terrible and she said her feelings weren't hurt meanwhile I apologized profusely and said I should have asked the way it is recommend and she said something disparaging about following data and website recommendations and I really don't want to remember too many details because it all could have been avoided if I just asked the way the gun experts recommend. 

And let's just say she was extremely angry with me.  She said her blood was boiling. That I was bs-ing her and wanted to pry.  And when I said it is a tough topic she said it's not a tough topic it's an invasion of her privacy the way I asked. 

Because if I asked that way she could have answered no and then she wouldn't have revealed if she owns guns or not. 

And her children don't know they have them. And they are always in locked position and in a safe locked box. And now that I know her family has them, this has compromised the safety of her family because they don't talk about it as its an adult topic and now Kevin will tell Jimmy who will mention it to Alex. And then it won't be safe for their family. That I have opened up a whole can of worms. 

If only I asked the way the experts suggest you ask. I wouldn't have pissed off this mom. I had to reassure her I wouldn't let my husband know this information.  All people need to know is "do you have an unlocked gun in the house."  This mom suggested adding on unsecured. 

 

  

The people who are in our community and own them, according to this mom to whom I numerous times apologized for not asking the way I should have, she things at least store them safely away from children.

This might sound provocative but...After a little thought I realized maybe it's that among my demographic - college educated, professional, White collar - you have people who act responsibly with their firearms.  And that many of these stats are based on greater America. Life in more rural  or less educated places. Pennsyltucky. Places where kids ride ATVs.  Families who sling around their guns.  Have guns hanging as decorations. 

There's a reason I am not the leader of any boards or corporations.  Because the mom was right. I could have asked in a much nicer way. Been less harsh.  I could have and should have said "I don't know if you own a gun or not and you don't have to tell me" (she felt I wanted to know if there is one) "but are there any unlocked and unsecured guns in your house when my child comes to play?"

For now I will take this mom's word for it that in our community people don't talk about it with their children.  I imagine they put it on par with having sex toys in the house.  Good for the family, kids can't know about the dildos.

Then again it's not so handy when the spiked 9 inch penis surrounded by black leather is under lock and key.  

"Just relax you're doing fine."  

I listened to Strange Design after this unfortunate convo and it was cathartic.  The mom later apologized to me and said she felt bad. 

It's best to follow directions and read the signs. 

Should I eved broach this topic again with another family it will be word for word what the ASK campaign says. 

Deep breaths. In the past. Learn from mistakes. Do better and listen to the experts. 

 

 

Hot as a pistol, and by the way do you guys keep guns in the house?

"Nothing left to do but smile, smile, smile."  -Grateful Dead

Taboo topic
Gun ownership isn't talked about much in my world of observant Jews.
Out in the open, that is.
That's how it works among my kind - you do stuff and you don't necessarily talk about it.
That's not always a good thing.  Especially when it comes to child safety.

Kids turn things into guns
The Wolfman's Brother, nearly 9, lately has been making things into guns.  Legos, aluminum foil, you get the picture.  This is probably all very normal for a kid his age.  But this is pretty new, and I worry about the real deal.  Who knows what his influences in school are in this realm.

Gossip or truth?  Liberal NYC Jews ain't here in suburban Philly.
A few years ago, when we moved here, I was privy to a conversation at a Shabbat table where a couple told me that there's a lot of hush hush discussion about who carries a gun in town.  That some rabbis here carry weapons to shul.   That overall this is a conservative Republican frum community where a lot of people own guns.   Moving from New York City to Pennsylvania was a real culture shock in that regard.  Since then I have heard nothing, but I try to stay out of pretty much all busy-body discussions.  I don't really know what people talk about.

What my Gut tells me.
My gut tells me that I wouldn't want my children in any home where there are guns.  Period.  Loaded, unloaded, stored separate or together, in a bed stand, in the attic.  I don't want my children in a home where there are guns.  Many people here have told me they don't get me.  That they live inside the box and I am very much outside of that box.  So maybe I don't have that many friends to begin with to lose.  But I do wonder what might happen. Will people start whispering into each other's ears...Rachel Loonin the mother who likes live music, kept her last name, feeds her children kale and only 1 slice of pizza, and who knows what else goes on in that house...that the hippy liberal suspicions we had about her all along are true.  I doubt the Shabbat meal invitations are at risk because we don't get invited out much anyway!

It's not that big a deal to ask if there's an unlocked gun in the house.
 A brief bit of research shows that homes are safer if there's a gun safe.  When ammunition is kept separate.  When the safes are locked.   According to  Asking Saves Kids, which is run by the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, you should ask if there's an unlocked gun in the house before you send your kids there to play.   An ABC News entry gives advice about how to ask others if they have guns in the house.  This article in the Washington Post offers a bit more nuance and discussion from a parent's perspective.

These things do give me reassurance.  However, my gut still tells me I do not want my child in another home where there is a gun.  How can I trust that the owner is responsible and will always lock their gun?   Yes, it is our constitutional right to bear arms.  That's the 2nd Amendment, right?  But it still makes me feel uncomfortable.  Am I then supposed to get into a whole discussion with the gun owner..."do you always keep it locked?  Does your child know about it?  Has your child ever touched your gun?  Did you even forget just one time?"  We're not talking the level of discomfort from them being in a home where there's junky snacks served or tv on all afternoon.   And don't even ask about drugs.  Prescription drugs are in so many of our houses and can be pretty dangerous and potentially lethal chemicals.  Just in case you thought you could get me on the cannabis argument.  This is very different.  This is about life or death.  Yes, I will let my child play in your house if you have prescription drugs. It's the reality of our society.  And what about toxic chemicals like bleach that I don't keep in my own home, partially for safety reasons?  Am I going to start preventing my children from going to homes that have Clorox?

Should I just throw in the towel and say that guns are a reason to keep my children away from your home?

And yet, I choose life.

Probably one of the few people who I am guaranteed to know will actually read this full blog is a person I know who I think owns a gun whose house we visit sometimes.  What's the answer?  Hard to know.  It is 1:27am and I still have to do dishes in the kitchen sink, pack up an order, and take a shower before I go to sleep.  What a convenient way to leave things open-ended.

This is the closest I want my children to getting to "hot as a pistol but cool inside."

Fishman Donut Phish Yarmulkas Kippas....you don't get a refund if you OverPray

Pretty excited to have these in stock.
Have been selling some as pre-sale before Summer Tour starts.

But we are saving most of them to sell in person this summer.

Getting good feedback.

Here's our new logo.

Glad to have another great item to add to the Phish community.

''

this was the bad version, the first try.

Note.  Please note:  the photo above is *not* the current incarnation of the Phish Yarmulkas.

My mom is here and we got to talking about the number 127.
Mom:  "Why do you have a card with the number 127 on it hanging in your bathroom?"
Me:     "I love the number 127; I have a deep connection to it."
Mom:   "Me too"
Me:     "I know, it's your number originally in my life.  But I write about it from time to time in my blog.  So I guess you don't read my blog."

It occurred to me that most people don't read my blog.
So, if you're reading this, good for you.
You're definitely in the minority.

I don't think she's going to be reading this, but I did explain to her at least part of my prediction about Phish playing in Israel from 2012 that didn't come true.  At least I am making some progress.  I spoke in person with Jon Fishman this year and told him it would be great if they played there.  To which he said, "Yeah, I'd love to play in 'that amphitheater' but I just go where they tell me to set up my drum kit."

I have no clue if anyone in the band has heard there is at least one Loony girl who would like them to play there.  I have no clue if they know who I am or what I am up to.  It's a small world, and it's moving real fast.  So, I like to think they know who I am.  But that's not likely.  Well, Mike knows who I am.  He told me I leave him really long messages on his voicemail.  That is very true.  Yet it's also a big world and there's a lot of people in it.  So sure word travels fast, especially if you're annoying and in people's faces.  But I am an honest gal, so I have that.  If I ever get into a person's face (which has been known to happen), I do know that I am always kind, friendly and fun-loving.  And I know that at least 2 people like reading my blog and my posts on various boards, including the Freaks List.  People just don't like reading on and on when I ramble on and on and on.  For some reason people like reading Big Dog's Ramble.  And who knows maybe people like reading what I write.  Actually a bunch of lovely Freaks women came up to me at the most recent ball and told me they love my posts on Freaks list.  We are all just so busy with life and who has the time to ramble on and on.  But I am really warmed when some really nice women come up to me and say they like what I write.  You have to block out the noise, forget about the negative comments, and just move on and focus on the positivity because it's all the goodness that's out there that is what is going to propel you.    Don't let one negative thing hold you back.


 For the most part, people don't reply to what I say.  "God never listens to what I say."  That's not true, actually I disagree.  I believe that the Aybeshter does listen.  BH I have a cozy happy home with my material needs met.  And a loving dear husband and BH healthy children.  These are really and truly the things that matter.  A happy, peaceful home.  Health.  Sufficient sleep.  Can't say that the last thing really happens all that much.  Especially when you're wasting time writing a blog.